When it comes to conversations about sex, many parents feel unsure about where to start, especially with younger children. Some might even question whether these discussions are necessary, assuming that schools will handle sex education or that their child will simply figure things out from their peers.
But what happens when these conversations don’t happen at home? And how can parents create a safe space for their children to ask important questions? To explore these topics, we sat down with Diana Wark, a Training Centre Facilitator at the Centre for Sexuality.
Diana is a seasoned social worker and sexual health educator with over two decades of experience. She has held many roles at the Centre, including relationship and sexual health education and parent engagement. She is passionate about empowering people of all ages with the right information to help them make the best decisions for their bodies and lives.
Sex, sexuality and relationships do not exist in a vacuum. While it’s important that young people learn the facts about bodies and sexual health, keeping communication open can have a positive impact for your child’s friendships, body image, media literacy, future romantic relationships and much more.
Read on as Diana shares insights on why these discussions are crucial and how parents can navigate them with confidence.
Q: Why is it important for parents to take the lead on conversations about sex and sexuality, even early on?
Diana: Whether parents want to be their child’s first sexual health educator or not, they already are. It’s part of the job description. And it really starts with how we interact and support our child’s body in being healthy from the time they’re born. Everything from diaper changes to bathing to when kids hurt themselves – it’s all an opportunity to help them understand and name all their body parts and know how to talk about them. Those initial steps are part of what makes us a stable parent, a safe person for a child to come to. Incorporating these conversations into our parenting is a way to set that foundation.
This way, our children are more likely to come to us when they have questions about their bodies, what they want to wear, what they want to play with or who their friends are. How do they ask permission for a kiss or a hug? What if someone wants to kiss or hug them and they don’t want that? How do we build that early understanding of consent?
Q: Some parents might say, “No one talked to me about sex, and I turned out fine.” What would you say to that?
Diana: First of all, these conversations aren’t just about sex. They are about safety, autonomy and healthy relationships across a lifetime.
But it’s a valid question. Many of us grew up in households where the topic of sex was ignored or reduced to a simple “don’t do it.” But times have changed. We can’t assume schools will cover everything, especially with recent uncertainties around sex education policies. More importantly, schools don’t teach personal values. That comes from family. We want our kids to be able to understand how to take the facts about sexual health and relationships, think critically and apply them in a way that fits with their values, beliefs and goals for the future.
If parents don’t engage in these conversations, children will turn elsewhere, potentially to sources that don’t align with family values or that provide misinformation. Or they may go to individuals who could exploit their lack of knowledge. Parents don’t have to be experts, but they should at least help their children identify trusted sources.